I’m nearsighted. Without my glasses on, things 50 feet in front of me are blurry. It’s the same in my spiritual life.

Last winter, I went through a period of depression. I don’t know when or what started it, but I do know I was miserable. One night I wrote in my journal, “The disciples were fighting the storm so hard, wondering if they would make it. And all the while, Jesus was taking a nap in the bottom of the boat. When they woke him up and he simply said, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ and the wind and the waves went calm. God, I am willing to fight this storm… but when will you say, ‘Quiet! Be still!’ for me? When will you rescue me?”

I started to lose who I was. I was a stranger in my own body. In my pride, I wouldn’t let my friends see me hurting. So I plastered a smile on my face and tried to go about my day normally. But inside I felt like something was dying. My mentor, the only one I confided in, continually told me to talk to other people about it. I couldn’t do it. I was embarrassed. If they knew that I, happy-go-lucky Lauren, was depressed they wouldn’t understand. They would look at me differently. They would treat me like I was a fragile piece of porcelain glass. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I’m the strong one. So I carried my burden alone.

Just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower, I went to the Cornerstone production of Little Women. I didn’t particularly feel like going and knew nothing of the storyline; but my roommates wanted to go, so I tagged along. And as I sat there, I felt like I was watching my life get played out on stage. I was Jo. She struggled and hurt in ways that I could relate to. I felt her discouragement with writing; I understood what it felt like to not know where my future was going. But as the story ended, things started falling in place. Jo was finding clarity amidst the chaos. This nothing less than changed my life.

I was on the edge of my seat, tears trickling down my cheeks- something I don’t feel often. It was at that moment that my fog of depression cleared. What’s more, I knew I would be friends with the lead actress, Reagan Boomershine. I had never spoken to her before; I didn’t even know her name at the time. But in my gut, I just knew.

And I was right. She quickly became my best friend. Someone I could easily trust, a rarity in my life.

I spent all summer wondering why God let me be depressed. I didn’t feel like I had learned anything. In all those weeks I never had a revelation about what God was trying to teach me. I searched my brain in hopes of coming to the “aha!” moment that I was, undoubtedly, missing. Eventually, I gave the idea up. I came to the conclusion that I had simply been depressed. There must not have been a specific lesson I was supposed to learn.

But God had something up his sleeve.

When I got back to school this year I was excited to catch up with friends I hadn’t seen all summer, Reagan especially. As we sipped our drinks in the big, overstuffed chairs by the fireplace at our favorite coffee shop, she was very transparent about the difficult summer she had; one in which she had been battling depression. Some of what she said was verbatim what I had felt just a few months prior.

The light bulb finally went off. I felt God whispering to me, “Do you understand now? Do you see why I let you go through all of that?”

It was a pivotal moment in my spiritual life when I realized, for the first time, that I do not live just for me. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says, “You are not your own.” Sometimes I get so wrapped up in myself and the pain I am going through that I don’t take the time to see that other people are struggling too– and in the same ways as me! Jeff Manion, senior teaching pastor at Ada Bible Church said in a sermon last year, “One of the primary ways that God encourages his people is through other people.”

I absolutely believe that one of the biggest reasons that God allowed me to experience a period of depression was so that I could know firsthand what Reagan was dealing with. Having gone through such a similar experience put me in a much better position to understand and encourage her.

And as I’ve walked with her through the trial, it’s been beautiful to see joy slowly creep back into her life. Once again, her quick wit puts me in my place. Her sarcastic jokes make laugh until my sides hurt. And I can’t help but think it’s a little bit ironic. She knocked the depression right out of me, and I was there through hers.

So I have changed my mind set. Each day, I choose to be a disciple of Christ. I completely surrender everything to him, and am willing to be available however he chooses– even when it’s hard and it hurts. And now, I wear my glasses every day. I do my best to see into the distance, like God does. And if he took me through that valley of depression for the sole purpose of, even just one time, being an encouragement to Reagan as she dealt with her depression, I wouldn’t trade those months for anything. They gave me a best friend. One I know I’ll have for the rest of my life.