About two months ago, I was informed that my grandma had 30 to 45 days to live. She had been suffering from dementia for years and it was finally taking over too much of her body. My parents were exhausted with the emotional strain, the hours they were helping with my grandparents and with putting up relatives for several weeks. I was exhausted from trying to stay focused on school while being unable to help with the situation. I wasn’t even going through the worst of it. My dad was losing his mom. My grandpa was losing his beloved wife. How do you grieve and comfort at the same time? I was struggling to know how to think. My senior recital — the biggest night in four years of school — was getting closer and closer. Thankfully, I was able to go home for Easter weekend. Those four days were some of the sweetest and most exhausting days of my life. I’d never been around a close family member who was dying before. I rubbed her hand, her forehead and her cheek. I held her hand, reminded her that I loved her, and 95 percent of the time received little response from her. The sweetest moment of those few days was when she opened her eyes for a short few minutes, looked straight at me and grinned with that familiar smile she had always had for us. Monday was the worst. My grandma was given hours to live and we sat there watching her struggle just to breathe normally. My brother and I had to get back down to our schools and leave her now unresponsive body to finish out its last breaths. It seemed so inhuman for me to go back down to Grand Rapids to begin the school week again. I was confused, frustrated, angry, and torn apart, and I wept. Why couldn’t God just take her now?

My senior recital and her funeral were now almost inevitably going to happen within days of each other. This was another frustration for me, since I knew I had to consider the possibilities of either continuing through the recital or postponing it. But, how could I think about it when it seemed like such a cold way to think? I suddenly wanted to add a class to my schedule: How to handle senior recital stress along with the emotions and plans of a Funeral — 101. My grandma passed away on that Tuesday morning, and her funeral was held on Friday. That weekend, I was mostly going through the motions. I went directly from my grandma’s funeral to my dress rehearsal. The following day was my recital. Within days I had experienced the loss of a loved one along with the highs of performance and the unexpected edification that followed. I was on cloud nine…and one…and four…

There are seasons in life filled with unanswered questions and unfulfilled longings. There are other seasons where blessings seem to come out of nowhere and are so numerous you feel blinded by them. I’m heading into a very “unknown” part of my life right now with graduating. But God has been teaching me that He is sufficient in all areas of life. He’s been helping me realize how beautiful He is, right now. No matter the circumstances, our God is the constant source of true joy no matter what we’re going through. When seasons of life bring of joy, when they bring us sorrow, or when they bring us both together, God is sufficient for all of our needs.

Truth remains. Life is crazy. I am insufficient. He is sufficient.

E-mail: dana_m_fall@cornerstone.edu